Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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