my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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