No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
