just tell him i said nine months
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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