Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
