You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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