A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
