sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
