Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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