ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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