Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
