i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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