it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
