Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
