I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
