I cockslap morals
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
