you traded sex for a burrito?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
