check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
