I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
