if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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