Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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