I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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