i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
