now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
