just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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