I checked into jail on foursquare
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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