I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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