I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
