those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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