How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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