this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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