I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
