Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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