How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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