would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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