I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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