Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
