Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
