he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
