Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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