He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
