Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
