she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
