i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
