You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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