What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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