she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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