theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
