Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday š„ŗ
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a āfireplaceā station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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