He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
