halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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